I heard we made out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
