it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
