Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
