Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
