24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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