it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
