i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
