Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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