So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize