My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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