I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
