btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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