it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
