i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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