She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
