literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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