Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
