I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
