Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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