Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boobs speak an international language.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
