ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Send help, water and tortillas.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
