remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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