oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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