You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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