i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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