i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
