Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are the jesus of drinking
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
