I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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