So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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