There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
