i need an iv and a liver transplant
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize