Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
