I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
