remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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