forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
