Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh god it's open bar.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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