I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i can't believe i had my finger in that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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