There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
