you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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