You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
