Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
