OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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