i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
