your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Let's get the cat blown out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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