We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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