and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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