i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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