I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize