i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
