Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
