he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
