the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
