i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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