Sponge bath it is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
