Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
