My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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