Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
