True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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