The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
