i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
