Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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