I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
