He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
