Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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