Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
